One step forward, 1/2 step back and repeat

Devil's dust

God, this is hard. It is really sparkling hard. (Sparkling is the word I try to use when I really want to say something much crasser, but there is a two-year old around).  It is really hard to change something so fundamental as the way you eat. I start each day wanting to eat perfectly.  For me perfect, right now, means no grains, no sugar, lots of veggies, meat and "good" fat.  I've not done so well on either count for the last couple of days.  I have felt overwhelmed by life; too many responsibilities and too many emotions. I have made an allusion to food addiction in previous posts. But I mean it quite literally.  I feel driven by food. I think about it, feel twitchy when I don't know when I am going to get food again, contemplate, in particular, sweets at key intervals during the day... it is an addiction.  As with any addiction, the biggest problem is not being able to stop. In theory, it would be great if I could have 1 bite of brownie or a few spoonfuls of ice cream, but as soon as I have sugar I want more.

The juicing detox really helped with this, and I am still feeling the affects.  But I got cocky this weekend.  and tried a few bites of the new Starbuck's cake pops, part of their new "under 200 calorie" pastries.  Totally another example of the food marketing in the U.S. which confounds good eating...And despite knowing better, I was more than happy to buy their line. (For anyone who cares, I found it to be overly sweet and a bit fake tasting) So food marketing and the evils of rampant capitalism aside, having a little sugar made me start thinking about more sugar, thinking, wanting, dreaming... I have got to be frank, I really have better things to do besides crave and fight the crave.  It is clear that I cannot handle a little bit of sugar, at least not now.  So this comes to a new challenge.  From now until the end of the semester, no sugar--not in any form.  No honey, no maple syrup, no agave, no turbinado, no sugar.

This may, in fact, be more challenging then the juicing detox, but I think I have to do this in order to fight the demons. Here's to a sugar-free tomorrow.