Slow and Steady vs. Glitz and Glam

I am trying to remind myself that the road to health has to be slow and steady.  I think TV will have us believe that in the course of 1 season or even 1 episode, health can be found and claimed.  While I do appreciate that, to some degree, shows such as the Biggest Loser, have encouraged an actual discussion of obesity and food issues, they also make weight loss seem magical. But it isn't magical. It is slow, steady and really about staying the course.  This week I am trying to stay the course. Show up every morning, make decisions to eat healthy food and try to find a way to move. I think I need a little challenge though.  I need a little Biggest Loser in my life.  I like the idea of someone following me around cheering me on and giving me prizes for showing up to life and giving it my best sounds pretty good to me.

Back on the wagon (again, again)

It has been a rough few months, and my quest for health has been waylaid. While, I think the stress, family crises and distractions have been real, I am also cognizant of the fact that this has been another time when taking care of my health has come last. More than that, when I am honest, stress and crises usually drives me to sabotage my health. When things feel overwhelming in the rest of my life, I gravitate towards foods that are as icky as I feel. And for this most part this episode of crisis was no different... I did find myself eating fast food, wanting sweets and craving food constantly.  But for the first time in my adult life, I managed to stay somewhat physically active and still consider what I was eating--if only a little bit.  Now for some people this may not appear as a minor miracle, but let me assure you that for me it is. More than staying active, mainly through walks and bike rides with my kiddos, I craved the time to get back to the Y and workout. I am simply amazed by this still.

I do think that my desire to work out has more to do with the community created by the Y where I work out.  I have always felt so self-concious working out or trying to being "sporty".  I always felt like it was sort of a joke and that everyone in the room knew it.  But that is what is special about a place like the Y. It emphasizes community above all else. I look forward to being there and when I walked into the Y after 2 months of absence, I was still greeted by smiles and hugs. If only I could pocket that and take it with me as I go through the rest of the day.

So I am back on the wagon or at least trying to be. Watching what I eat, planning another few days of juicing, working out, blogging and I am doing this as I embark on yet another high stress time period. But my hope is that by putting health front and center might help me get through it more effectively. So my goal over the next few weeks is to work out minimally 3 times a week and cutting out sugar.  More mini-challenges to come.  Up this week: I will make it Reformer, Bodypump and Deep Water Aerobics (this one will be a knew one for me). I have also added an update to the "Just the facts" file... on my progress.

So stay tuned and I will try to too.

One step forward, 1/2 step back and repeat

Devil's dust

God, this is hard. It is really sparkling hard. (Sparkling is the word I try to use when I really want to say something much crasser, but there is a two-year old around).  It is really hard to change something so fundamental as the way you eat. I start each day wanting to eat perfectly.  For me perfect, right now, means no grains, no sugar, lots of veggies, meat and "good" fat.  I've not done so well on either count for the last couple of days.  I have felt overwhelmed by life; too many responsibilities and too many emotions. I have made an allusion to food addiction in previous posts. But I mean it quite literally.  I feel driven by food. I think about it, feel twitchy when I don't know when I am going to get food again, contemplate, in particular, sweets at key intervals during the day... it is an addiction.  As with any addiction, the biggest problem is not being able to stop. In theory, it would be great if I could have 1 bite of brownie or a few spoonfuls of ice cream, but as soon as I have sugar I want more.

The juicing detox really helped with this, and I am still feeling the affects.  But I got cocky this weekend.  and tried a few bites of the new Starbuck's cake pops, part of their new "under 200 calorie" pastries.  Totally another example of the food marketing in the U.S. which confounds good eating...And despite knowing better, I was more than happy to buy their line. (For anyone who cares, I found it to be overly sweet and a bit fake tasting) So food marketing and the evils of rampant capitalism aside, having a little sugar made me start thinking about more sugar, thinking, wanting, dreaming... I have got to be frank, I really have better things to do besides crave and fight the crave.  It is clear that I cannot handle a little bit of sugar, at least not now.  So this comes to a new challenge.  From now until the end of the semester, no sugar--not in any form.  No honey, no maple syrup, no agave, no turbinado, no sugar.

This may, in fact, be more challenging then the juicing detox, but I think I have to do this in order to fight the demons. Here's to a sugar-free tomorrow.

Commencement means beginning..

My reassuring 8 bottles of health...

I completed my initial 10-day juice fast.  It took me about 11 days, because I ended up being behind on juices here and there.  I chalk that up to mamascholarhood.  But I did not break the regime, drinking my wide-variety of homemade juices and eating raw foods for dinner during the entire process.  I did end up adding in additional fat each day, in the form of avocados, coconut milk and cashews because my milk supply decreased slightly during the 10 days.  Adding this in at a higher rate (so about 1.5 avocados per day/or the equivalent) boosted my supply right back up.  In quantitative terms, I can report that I lost at least 5 lbs.  I will be doing another weigh-in when I return to the Y later this week.  But I am a qualitative researcher, so more important to me is that I genuinely feel better than I did 13 days ago.

I wrote in my initial posting that I felt the need to conquer something related to my diet.  I do feel more in control than I have in a long time. For one thing I realized I can eat a lot less and feel okay, in fact not just okay but better.  There were moments when I felt genuinely hungry, but they were actually few and far between. For the most part I was astonished at how seldom I felt hungry. I also felt less bloated and, although purely a psychological symptom, less manic about food. It was remarkably calming to know exactly what my next meal would be and that it was waiting for me in the fridge.  That said, finding the time to juice for 1.5 hours every two days was stressful.  Shopping and generally preparing to juice was likewise time consuming and, in some cases, expensive.  I am working on another post on the cost of the juicing program and will post it soon.

The 10 days also gave me an opportunity to reflect on a few things including, what I am terming, my food rhythms. Like most working families, mornings are hectic around our house. My husband often makes lovely items for breakfast, but on a day when I am trying to get to work, the Y and the kids to two different pre-schools/babysitters, breakfast sometimes gets lost in the mix.  During this last 10 days, it became clear that I do better with breakfast. More specifically, I did best on the mornings when my juice was a juice with protein and fat, in this case in the form of avocado or coconut milk and usually leafy greens like spinach.  A low-fat diet is not for me, and I think probably not very good for anyone. I felt able to concentrate more fully as my morning progressed.  I also felt much better at night, eating my high fiber salads. The lighter meal was satisfying and diverse in terms of tastes and senses.  I did miss meat and I think adding some grilled something to the salad on occasion is a good way to augment the meal without returning to a heavy dinner.  Clearly there are some lessons there for how I should be eating in post-juice world.

But I have to admit even with all this success behind me, I still feel anxious about the next steps.  I don't have every meal planned--although I have a plan to make time for meal planning--which is a step in the right direction.  Over the next four weeks, I will continue to abstain from eating grains and sugars, other than fruit.  During this time, I will be concentrating on finding and making meals that work with my new found food rhythm.  I will also be working on readjusting our food budget, trying to make the same amount of money stretch further to include more organics. This last portion is just as befuddling as the new diet, so I expect a few frustrations in the weeks to come.

I reflecting on the last few days, I am conscious of the fact that this was easier than I expected it to be.  There is one reason for this--community. In keeping with my cliche filled post, I am reminded of the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." I think this can be applied to just about any situation in which we humans find ourselves. Very little is created alone and nearly nothing can be dismantled alone. Our society is in a food and nutrition crises, but being fat, overweight, obese, unhealthy--whatever word you want to choose--feels like a singular failure.  I feel like I should have enough control to fix the situation or not have created it to begin with. But in coming out of the fat closet and reaching out for help, from my husband, my sister, my parents, my friends, my neighbors and anyone else who will listen, it feels more surmountable. This was the first step, there are many more... stay tuned.

Staying strong, sort of

Tomorrow, I will prepare juice for the last two days of the 10 day detox.  What that really means is that I will begin to shift to eating foods other than salad and juice; so the most intense part of the detoxing process will be completed.  I certainly have been thinking about non-juice food, especially in the last couple of days. And while I have coveted the thought of a few bites of steak or a the warmth of a latte, mainly I have been thinking about what will happen when this is all over. I realize it has only been a few days, but I already feel like being in the juicing detox is safe. Leaving it means facing my food addictions all over again, but without the safety net of reminding myself that I am trying to achieve the goal of 10 days on the juicing program. In preparation for this I am doing all the things I am supposed to, planning meals, getting advice, reaching out for support.  But I have to admit, I am scared.  I feel almost silly writing that sentence-- scared, we are talking about food. Intellectually, it seems to me that there are a lot of things which warrant fear, but food is likely not one of them. Emotionally, I know that my addiction to food and the consequence of being overweight has significantly impacted my life in ways that I am not even ready to process much less blog about. For now though, I am going to look forward to my next couple of days of juicing--focusing on finishing this first phase, realizing there is still work to be done.

Getting back on track

Weekends are hard.  I am often so exhausted on Sundays, I cannot believe I am going into the work week.  But weekends are also tons of fun. This last part, for me at least, comes from having kids.  It is pretty easy as a scholar to work all weekend.  That is the downside of being in academia, you can always work.  There is literally always something to do and that needs doing. All through graduate school, my weekend was devoted to "catching up on work."  But having kids changed that.  I love that our weekend, in addition to pesky household errands, revolves around doing fun things with our little ones.  This weekend's highlight was a bike ride. We take bike rides almost every weekend, with Jeremy pulling a trailer with the two babes. But this weekend was my debut as trailer puller.  Our 40 minute ride through the neighborhoods around our house was fun, and I am pretty sure pulling an additional 50 pounds in children ups the workout value.

Not surprisingly though, I got a little off track with the juicing adventure this weekend.  I managed not to actually break the fast.  I just ended up not keeping up with drinking all the juice on time.  Now I am starting Monday without my 6 bottles waiting for me.  So some regrouping is required.  I am restarting Day 7 today.  I have rearranged my schedule so I can take 1.5 hours this morning to juice for the next two days.  In the meantime, I will enjoy some herbal tea and perhaps a piece of fruit.

I think this set back is pretty typical of how I often get caught up in other things and nourishment gets rushed. Something I need to keep working on, if I am going to live healthily.  More thoughts on that... later today.

Half-way there!

Willpower is helped by this yummy creation! 

This is just a brief post to celebrate the completion of the half-way mark in my initial 10-day juicing adventure.  I am actually about 40 minutes and 5 sips early, but I think I will call it good.  You all will have to trust me that I finish the last five sips before midnight CST.

I feel good. I can celebrate a few pretty big accomplishments, or at least as far as accomplishments go when we are talking about juicing and not world peace. One, I managed to stick with this even through a few pretty crazy days here.  Johannes had to have minor surgery, which I knew about before planning to undertake juicing.  But as usual, I underestimated how intense it would be to manage anything out of the ordinary in our routine. This was a classic stress situation for me.  We had to be there early, there was a lot of coordination of people, cars and care... all recipes for me to suggest take-out.  But I managed... I did end up about 1/3 of a juice behind, but that has not seemed to be too big a deal.  I think it some ways just having a virtual community made it easier for me to power through this experience.  Also, the fact that the juicing makes me plan ahead meant I had my juice with me and I had it when I came home.  Now if I can just translate this to making sure I have a lunch with me---in the post-juice world--then I will really have accomplished something.

My other big achievement of the week...I discovered I have willpower.  I seriously did not know I had this ability and I will frankly tell you it has never reared its head before.  I don't think I have ever turned down good food in my life.  But today, I accompanied my two year old to a Texas bbque because it is even-more-than-usual Texas pride week or month or something like that.  In any case, his preschool hosted a bbque and yours truly actually went, mingled, helped my little one eat and did not endulge.  There was yummy brisket that smelled divine and several kinds of chocolate goodness and I politely declined.  It was amazing. It was of course also a little sad, because although their love of their state is sometimes a bit over the top, Texans know how to bbque.

In closing though, I must also admit a couple of cheats.  Tonight, I quite enjoyed an extra handful (or two) of cashews on my salad...they were yummy! And my husband has rightfully pointed out that my nightly salad seems to be getting a bit bigger every evening.

Still I am going into the second-half feeling fine and excited to find out what turnip juice tastes like.